Who to Vote
by Hildegard Buskepelheit
Who to Vote
For those without a clue, the Buskepelheit
report is intended as satire!
Its 1956! Times are changing so fast my head is spinning. They have hydromatic cars now where you don't have to shift, it does it for you. Imagine, the car runs away with you! And they have something called power steering. I was a riveter lady in the war, I'm as strong as an ox; I need power steering like a hole in the head.
But, never mind that, I want to talk about serious matters like who to vote for. I like Ike! Yes, the general is a real American, not like that Stevenson! You let them win, the next thing you know is that you'll have farmers marrying their sheep! I mean, I'm a modern woman born in 1901! I have nothing against a man marrying his dog or whatever. They already smell like each other, so what's the difference?
But, never mind that; what happens out past the paving across America where the cows are kept has nothing to do with what matters. Its the Communists! That Stalin who wants to take over the world! Only Ike knows how to stop him. I know all about war, I didn't just sit at home, you know. During the war, I worked. I built airplanes, flying fortresses! I even had to wear pants, those overalls with the zipper up the front. Imagine! You'd think I could pee standing up!
But, never mind that, its none of your business how I do my business. What matters is voting for President Eisenhower, Vice President Nixon, and Senator Jacob Javits. These are America's leaders of the modern 1950s! And come 1960, Mr. Nixon will be our next President. What an honest man!