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Toilet Intolerance

Flushing, NY June 2016
Americans find it hard to admit that they need to take a pee. There is a national shame about mentioning the need to take a piss. Its not polite.  You have to hint and mumble and whisper to find out where the hell the pissoir is.  So, its no wonder that dumb-ass rural conservative American politicians are apoplectic with outraged horror at the thought of anything out of the ordinary going on in that 'unmentionable' place.  Most of these idiots have never been in a 'ladies room' and have a 9 year old boy's wild imagination about it.  If you try to talk about 'Transgender Teens' to them, they imagine a bearded Godzilla with a ten foot schlong crashing into the ladies room and standing and lifting their dress and exposing themselves as they splash a flood into a urinal next to innocent women.  They haven't got a clue that there are NO Urinals in a ladies room.  Its their own naughty-little-boy's-fantasy of what they would like to do that frightens them.  And these imbeciles are in charge of legislating toilet use!

OK, so, the Neandrathal-brained Nawth Carolina legislators wrote a law that would have the exact unintended consequence of what they fear the most.  The law requires one to use the public toilet that relates to the gender listed on one's original birth certificate.  They were mistakenly thinking of transwomen with penises, and never thought of real bearded transmen with implanted permanently erect peckers having to go into a dainty ladies room where there are no urinals -which is what they urgently need to pee standing up- and instead having to awkwardly lean over a toilet in a stall and piss all over the seat and walls.  The whole point of a ladies room is that women have to sit down on a clean toilet seat to pee without crude men pissing all over the seats.  So, sorry to be so blunt and filthy, but its the only way to explain the reality of that stupid legislation.

A transwoman should be able to go into a ladies room, select an empty stall, go in, shut the door, lift her dress, lower her panties, and sit down and tinkle.  Simple as that.  What she has between her legs to do that is no one's business.

A men's room for a transman is another thing entirely.  Traditionally, men's rooms are foul smelling filthy pigstys with puddles of pee on the floor and seats, unflushed toilets, abandoned toilet paper on the floors, messy sinks, and door knobs that you don't want to touch if it can be avoided.  The cultural rules of men's room behavior are learned at an early age: Above all else DON'T TALK, Don't look, don't touch ANYTHING, its ok to fart, stoically wait your turn if its busy, if you intend to flush use the bottom of your shoe on the handle, Don't Touch Anything, do your business and get out, try to avoid touching the door knob on your way out.  So, a transman determined to use the men's room should be able to walk in without anyone looking at him, and be able to piss on the seat like any other man, and walk out without anyone taking the slightest notice.

All else aside, people should grow up and stop worrying about silly things like who pees where.

Not so long ago, rest rooms and water fountains and everything else were segregated by color in North Carolina and other places where ignorance prevailed.  You would think they had learned better by now; but what they have done is no different.

It started in Texas, I think, where ignorant men let their bigoted fantasies of seeing the inside of women's restrooms morph into bible thumping hate legislation.  It was pretty piss smelly sick perverse imaginary imagery of men in dresses invading the sanctity of women's restrooms.  And it raced across the manure scented heartland where hetero Neandrathals stomped around state houses enraged, fulminating and spluttering spittle in apoplectic umbrage, looking like a southern senator having a hissy fit.  These latter day Nazis crafted unconstitutional state legislation concerning the use of public toilets, serving bratwurst and beer to gay men, and invalidating local non discrimination statutes that in their sloppiness would disenfranchise veterans, black citizens, and others.  Simply put, they don't want Transgender Women stepping up to non existent urinals in ladies rooms, lifting their skirts and revealing their big nasty schlongs to pee.  Sigh.  It doesn't work that way, dudes.  The comic image of a bearded man in a dress standing at a urinal taking a pee is nonsense.  In their panicked haste to enact loopy legislation they forgot to imagine all the possible permutations.  All they could think of was Trans Women standing in the sacred space of ladies rooms revealing their male genitalia. All together now, roll your eyes!

In one of his last campaign comments, the Governor of Ohio -John Kasich complained, "What the hell are we doing in this country?"  Indeed!  Terrorism, war, global warming, mass starvation, poverty, mass migration, pollution, and financial exploitation all mean nothing;  what's important to conservative politicians is preventing people from peeing in dignity!  Makes you wonder if they know the difference between a pee-can and a pecan.

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